How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
