I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
