i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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