Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
