it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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