he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
