I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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