I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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