And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
