i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
