idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
