i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
