if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
oh god was she eating orange peels again
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
