I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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