I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
