Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
