He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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