you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
