Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
