Kiss
Puke
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
