So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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