Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
