Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
