he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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