If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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