yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
