I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
