I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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