I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
