it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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