You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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