okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
