Where did you get a picture of my penis
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
