yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
