mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
