I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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