is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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