DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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