i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
