I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
