We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it was like eating out sand paper
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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