Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
