I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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