Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
