i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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