is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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