Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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