You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
