i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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