there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
