I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize